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Goose

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Uglygoose

This is one ugly critter.

“Why do people always chase me?”
~ A Goose on the 'Duck Duck Goose' game
“Die you fuckin bastard geese! Die!”
~ Capt. Sully Sullenburger shooting wildly at geese in Central Park
“GET IN MY BELLY!”
~ Prince Phillip on Geese
“GET IN MY BELLY!”
~ Fat Bastard on Geese
“GET IN MY BELLY!”
~ Mike Myers on Geese

Geese Kill Everything

The Geeses won.

edit Origin

Geese were originally created by British inventor Leonardo da Vinci when he played a game of 'Duck Duck Duck' at a party which did not end until every other player had died. He figured this was a poor gameplay mechanic and so invented the goose in an attempt to lower the death rates of the game. Da Vinci worked in collaboration with Anne Robinson to develop a prototype goose by taking a duck's body and sticking to it the head of a mule. It is believed that Da Vinci coined the term 'goose' from the Latin 'goo', meaning 'not quite', and 'se', meaning 'a swan'.

edit Canada Geese

Canada geese, also known as Canadian geese, are the major and only biological weapon developed by the Canadian military. The geese were invented in 1523 for the Canadian Revolution, which never occurred due to a hockey game being on TV. Out of frustration of his team losing, the head military scientist set the geese free to wreak havoc on the city. Instead, the birds migrated to Minnesota and now enjoy crapping on soccer fields.

Furthermore the birds seem to have hypnotic powers to make women feel sorry for them. Hence the United States Military (entirely run by women) is forbidden to take any action against the aggressors. The Birds tend to flock to wide open fields and can be seen around power plants throughout the country. Many believe these birds to be planning the next great terrorist attacks, but due to political humane society pressures they are helpless to do anything.

Some say the environmental benefits from the bird out weigh the risk. While others say they are an annoyance to the entire environment. They are actually good for nothing. Besides the fact that shit every 6.5 min. They do keep bugs down, but other than that many believe them to be an absolute annoyance.

Eating Canada Geese is forbidden by the Queen of England, which is a pity since the last person who tried one found it so tasty that his tongue asplode. Which I'm sure you'll agree is a sensation more of us could do with in this life.

Canadian geese have sometimes been called "vagina rabbits" because one gooseologist, Max Walker, who his friends nicknamed Rabbit, said all rabbits have vaginas and thus is a vagina rabbit. To take some of the scorn and name calling off himself, he decided to start calling Canadian Geese "vagina rabbits". He was made fun of again soon when he dropped his human life and decided to join the geese. He now runs around with geese and tries in vain to fly. He also enjoys spending his time biting at people's schlongs on nude beaches as they bask. Thus he has earned the odd nickname of "That fucking asshole goose" from men who have lost their tallywhackers to the feathered fiend. GOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!

edit In popular culture

The popular novella "1001 Things to Do With Your Goose" has sold over 20,000 copies in the Shropshire and Lanarkshire areas. The book describes, in more or less average detail, 1001 ways to befriend and travel with your goose, along with some delicious recipes and baked goods one can make with goose eggs.

edit The Alpha Goose

The Alpha Goose is a one of kind mythical goose who rules over the great goose flock of the North. It controls lesser geese such as beta geese or fags. This mythical goose can be called at any time by blowing a rape whistle or stabbing an orphan. This magical creature can not be easily seen in flock, only a select few who are worthy may be given the honor of flying with an Alpha Goose. Some may pretend to see them to impress their fellow lessers, but it's easy to depict the fakers because if they tell such a lie you get a petite, wrinkly penis. If you consume the semen of this penis, you will be crowned a fag and never move up in the Alpha chain. There is one way to fly like an Alpha Goose without being chosen at birth, have a glorious fourteen year orgy with a flock of Moosen (the descendants of Alpha Geese). Moosen cultists have developed a harsh religion worshipping this powerful being. They have hourly sacrifices consisting of slaughtering and dismembering a rabbit. The intestine is then wrapped around a baby seal and the seal is then clubbed to death by the Moosen cultists. This ritual is known to cure rabbies and increase the length of ones tongue by several feet. Other rituals include having sex with dolphins and swallowing a flaming caribou whole.

There is an elite group of Moosen who will take these rituals to the next level. The Beta geese of the group are then fed to a quadrant of killer whales. Then the stomachs of the whales are used as condoms of the Alpha Goose. But if any of these Moosen have the privilege of meeting the Alpha Goose they will be so overwhelmed that they will immediately sacrifice twenty-seven orphans. The Alpha Goose will be take it in honor and they will make an omelette out of them and feed it to The Snooki.

edit The Fear of Terrorism From Geese

Since the world isn't scary enough as it is, the suicidal goose attack on an airliner that was forced to land in the Hudson River has sparked another fear of terrorism. Geese all over the U.S. have been targets as hate crimes against geese have sky rocketed. Parks have been turned into war zones as Geese have been reported killed from vengeful citizens. The Skies above have well been a deathtrap to geese as fear of them striking again is believed highly possible. Citizens in geese populated areas have set up anti-air gun turrents around their homes and busineses as several state governments have lifted illegal hunting laws on geese. "Where's the justice?!", honked an enraged goose in a protected area of Cental Park just seconds before a stray bullet killed it with chaos from frightned and fleeing geese filled the air as several more shots were fired. This inncident sparked retrobution from a group of rouge geese calling themselves Al'Geesa. Random suicidal attacks from these terrorist geese ranging from them diving into heavy traffic in an attempt to cause major pile up and attempting to dive into plane engines just before takeoff. Ever since geese have been attacked the state constution has nothing in protecting geese from prejudice but animal activists have ridiculously tried to get a law passed to prevent harm to this new form of terror.

The CIA now fears that there is another attack being planned right now that is 9/11 times 1000. That's 911,000. Further more Europe's news agencies in London says, "The underground voice of freedom at work reports that American resistance fighters have joined military forces in a major offensive in occupied San Francisco at the Goldengate Bridge. The coordinated attack may prove to be a turning point in America's guerilla war against the Northern Geese occupation. Meanwhile the E.U. Defense Counsel has called an emergency session to plan support for our allies across the Atlantic."

edit Fun Goose Facts

  1. The goose is a close relative of the African squirrel.
  2. In very rare instances, geese have been spotted having threesomes as well as foursomes, 5somes, orgies.
  3. Famous geese, such as those featured in movies such as Fly Away Home have been married to celebs including Tom Cruise, Michael Jackson, Victor Hugo, and Paris Hilton.
  4. In Germany, the goose is regarded as an aphrodisiac because everyone knows geese are super horny.
  5. Geese carry the main work-load in sweat shops overseas assembling, packaging, and shipping specializing in nike shoes.
  6. Sometimes you may see a goose calling to it's pack. Their call resembles a commonly used phrase; "Fuck off!"
  7. Geese are the ones that can fix the global economy. Yet they choose not to.
  8. One rare breed of goose has been found to live underwater in the Arctic Ocean. Currently it is unnamed. Here's a rare screenshot of it Firing its lazer.
SwanLazza

IMA FIRIN' MA LAZA!!!!!!! SHOOP DA WOOP!!!

edit See also

  • Mongoose
  • Geece
  • Angus

edit External links

  • A natural goose call
  • Goose public domain images
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Also found in: Thesaurus , Medical , Idioms , Encyclopedia .

goose

  (go͞os) n. pl. geese (gēs) 1. a. Any of various wild or domesticated waterbirds of the family Anatidae, and especially of the genera Anser, Branta, and Chen, characteristically having a shorter neck than that of a swan and a shorter, more pointed bill than that of a duck. b. The female of such a bird. c. The flesh of such a bird used as food. 2. Informal A silly person. 3. pl. goos·es A tailor's pressing iron with a long curved handle. 4. Slang A poke, prod, or pinch between or on the buttocks. tr.v. goosed, goos·ing, goos·es Slang 1. To poke, prod, or pinch (a person) between or on the buttocks. 2. To move to action; spur: goosed the governor to sign the tax bill. 3. To give a spurt of fuel to (a car, for example); cause to accelerate quickly: "The pilot goosed his craft, powering away" (Nicholas Proffitt). [Middle English goos , from Old English gōs ; see ghans- in Indo-European roots .]

goose

( ɡuːs ) n , pl geese ( ɡiːs ) pl gooses 1. (Animals) any of various web-footed long-necked birds of the family Anatidae: order Anseriformes. They are typically larger and less aquatic than ducks and are gregarious and migratory. See also brent goose , barnacle goose , greylag , snow goose 2. (Animals) the female of such a bird, as opposed to the male (gander) 3. informal a silly person 4. (Knitting & Sewing) a pressing iron with a long curving handle, used esp by tailors 5. (Cookery) the flesh of the goose, used as food 6. all his geese are swans he constantly exaggerates the importance of a person or thing 7. cook someone's goose informal a. to spoil someone's plans b. to bring about someone's ruin, downfall, etc 8. kill the goose that lays the golden eggs to sacrifice future benefits for the sake of momentary present needs. See also golden goose [Old English gōs; related to Old Norse gās, Old High German gans, Old Irish gēiss swan, Greek khēn, Sanskrit hainsas ]

goose

( ɡuːs ) vb ( tr ) to prod (a person) playfully in the behind n , pl gooses a playful prod in the behind [C19: from goose 1 , probably from a comparison with the jabbing of a goose's bill]

goose

(gus)

n., pl. geese for 1, 2, 4, 8, 9; goos•es for 5–7; n. 1. any of numerous wild or domesticated web-footed swimming birds of the family Anatidae, esp. of the genera Anser and Branta, most of which are larger and have a longer neck and legs than the ducks. 2. the female of this bird (disting. from gander ). 3. the flesh of a goose, used as food. 4. a silly or foolish person; simpleton. 5. Slang. a. a poke between the buttocks to startle. b. something that energizes or rouses; a prod. 6. a tailor's smoothing iron with a curved handle. v.t. 7. to poke between the buttocks to startle. 8. a. to prod or urge to action or reaction. b. to add strength, vigor, numbers, etc., to (often fol. by up ). Idioms: cook someone's goose, Informal. to ruin someone's chances or future. Slang. [before 1000; Middle English gose, goos, Old English gōs (pl. gēs ), c. Old Frisian, Middle Low German gōs, Middle Dutch, Old High German gans, Old Norse gās; akin to Skt haṅsa, Greek chḗn, Latin ānser ]

goose


Past participle: goosed
Gerund: goosing

Imperative goose goose Present I goose you goose he/she/it gooses we goose you goose they goose Preterite I goosed you goosed he/she/it goosed we goosed you goosed they goosed Present Continuous I am goosing you are goosing he/she/it is goosing we are goosing you are goosing they are goosing Present Perfect I have goosed you have goosed he/she/it has goosed we have goosed you have goosed they have goosed Past Continuous I was goosing you were goosing he/she/it was goosing we were goosing you were goosing they were goosing Past Perfect I had goosed you had goosed he/she/it had goosed we had goosed you had goosed they had goosed Future I will goose you will goose he/she/it will goose we will goose you will goose they will goose Future Perfect I will have goosed you will have goosed he/she/it will have goosed we will have goosed you will have goosed they will have goosed Future Continuous I will be goosing you will be goosing he/she/it will be goosing we will be goosing you will be goosing they will be goosing Present Perfect Continuous I have been goosing you have been goosing he/she/it has been goosing we have been goosing you have been goosing they have been goosing Future Perfect Continuous I will have been goosing you will have been goosing he/she/it will have been goosing we will have been goosing you will have been goosing they will have been goosing Past Perfect Continuous I had been goosing you had been goosing he/she/it had been goosing we had been goosing you had been goosing they had been goosing Conditional I would goose you would goose he/she/it would goose we would goose you would goose they would goose Past Conditional I would have goosed you would have goosed he/she/it would have goosed we would have goosed you would have goosed they would have goosed Thesaurus Antonyms Related Words Synonyms Legend: Switch to new thesaurus Noun 1. goose - web-footed long-necked typically gregarious migratory aquatic birds usually larger and less aquatic than ducks anseriform bird - chiefly web-footed swimming birds Anatidae , family Anatidae - swimming birds having heavy short-legged bodies and bills with a horny tip: swans; geese; ducks gosling - young goose gander - mature male goose Anser cygnoides , Chinese goose - very large wild goose of northeast Asia; interbreeds freely with the greylag Anser anser , graylag , graylag goose , greylag , greylag goose - common grey wild goose of Europe; ancestor of many domestic breeds blue goose , Chen caerulescens - North American wild goose having dark plumage in summer but white in winter brant , brant goose , brent , brent goose - small dark geese that breed in the north and migrate southward Branta canadensis , Canada goose , Canadian goose , honker - common greyish-brown wild goose of North America with a loud, trumpeting call barnacle goose , Branta leucopsis , barnacle - European goose smaller than the brant; breeds in the far north goose down - down of the goose goose - flesh of a goose (domestic or wild) gaggle - a flock of geese 2. goose - a man who is a stupid incompetent fool goose - a man who is a stupid incompetent fool bozo , cuckoo , fathead , goof , goofball , jackass , twat , zany fool , muggins , saphead , tomfool , sap - a person who lacks good judgment 3. goose - flesh of a goose (domestic or wild) goose - web-footed long-necked typically gregarious migratory aquatic birds usually larger and less aquatic than ducks poultry - flesh of chickens or turkeys or ducks or geese raised for food Verb 1. goose - pinch in the buttocks; "he goosed the unsuspecting girl" nip , pinch , tweet , twinge , twitch , squeeze - squeeze tightly between the fingers; "He pinched her behind"; "She squeezed the bottle" 2. goose - prod into action egg on , prod , incite - urge on; cause to act; "The other children egged the boy on, but he did not want to throw the stone through the window" 3. goose - give a spurt of fuel to; "goose the car" pump - operate like a pump; move up and down, like a handle or a pedal; "pump the gas pedal"

goose

noun Related words
adjectives anserine , anserous
male gander
young gosling
collective nouns gaggle , skein

goose

noun Informal. One deficient in judgment and good sense: ass , fool , idiot , imbecile , jackass , mooncalf , moron , nincompoop , ninny , nitwit , simple , simpleton , softhead , tomfool . Informal: dope , gander . Slang: cretin , ding-dong , dip , goof , jerk , nerd , schmo , schmuck , turkey . Translations إِوَزَّة إوَزَّه، وَزَّه husa gås Gans χήνα ansero ganso oca hani غاز hanhi oie guska libalúd angsa gæs oca sciocco stupido ferro da stiro marciare col passo dell'oca ガチョウ 거위 žąsisjis ir musės nenuskriausžąsies oda zoss gans gås gęś ganso gansa гусь hus gos гуска gås ห่าน kaz гуска con ngỗng

goose

[guːs] (geese ( pl )) A. N ( domestic ) → ganso/a m/f , oca f ; ( wild ) → ánsar m
to cook sb's goose → hacer la santísima a algn
to kill the goose that lays the golden eggs → matar la gallina de los huevos de oro B. VT (= prod ) → meter mano a C. CPD goose bumps NPL = gooseflesh goose pimples NPL = gooseflesh

goose

[ˈguːs] [ geese ] [ˈgiːs] ( pl ) n (= bird ) → oie f

goose

n pl <geese> (lit, inf) → Gans f ; silly little goose! (inf) → dummes Gänschen ! (inf) ; all his geese are swans → bei ihm ist immer alles besser ; to kill the goose that lays the golden eggs → das Huhn schlachten , das die goldenen Eier legt vt (inf) → einen Klaps auf den Hintern geben (+dat) (inf)

goose

: goose bumps pl , goose flesh n → Gänsehaut f gooseneck lamp n → Bogenleuchte f goose pimples pl (Brit) → Gänsehaut f goose step n → Stechschritt m goose-step vi → im Stechschritt marschieren

goose

[guːs] n (geese ( pl )) → oca
the goose that lays the golden eggs → la gallina dalle uova d'oro
don't be such a goose! ( fam ) → non essere così stupido !

goose

( guːs ) – plural geese (giːs) – noun a web-footed animal like a duck, but larger. The farmer's wife keeps geese. gans إوَزَّه، وَزَّه гъска ganso husa die Gans gås χήνα ganso hani غاز hanhi oie אווז हंस guska liba angsa gæs oca がちょう 거위 žąsis zoss angsa gans gås gęś غاز،قاز ganso gâscă гусь hus gos guska gås ห่าน kaz 鵝 гуска; гусак بط ngỗng 鹅 ˈgoose-flesh noun , ˈgoosepimples , ( American ) ˈgoosebumps noun plural small bumps on the skin caused by cold or fear. قَشْعَريرَه arrepio die Gänsehaut gåsehud ανατριχίλα piel de gallina kananahk kananliha chair de poule merinding gæsahúð pelle d'oca 鳥肌 (추위로 생기는) 소름 þàsies oda zosāda kippenvel gåsehud gęsia skórka په مخ باندي كوچني بخارونه pele de galinha piele de găină мурашки husia koža kurja polt gåshud อาการขนลุก ürpermiş/diken diken olmuş deri 雞皮疙瘩 鸡皮疙瘩 he etc wouldn't say boo to a goose he etc is very timid. جَبان não mataria uma mosca je to strašpytel äußerst furchtsam ikke gøre en kat fortræd είναι πολύ ντροπαλός es un miedica ta kardab oma varjugi arkajalka c'est une poule mouillée pemalu meinlaus; feiminn, óframfærinn e' buono come il pane おくびょうな 매우 수줍어 하다 jis ir pan. ir musės nenuskriaus viņš nevar pat mušu no deguna nodzīt hij etc brengt nog geen muis aan het schrikken ikke gjøre en katt fortred شرمندوك não mataria uma mosca el este un găgăuţă он и мухи не обидит je to strachopud nikomur ne bi skrivil lasu inte våga tala för sig ขี้ขลาด çok çekingen, utangaç , kimsenin tavuğuna kış diyemez 非常膽小的 胆小的

goose

→ إِوَزَّة husa gås Gans χήνα ganso , oca hanhi oie guska oca ガチョウ 거위 gans gås gęś ganso гусь gås ห่าน kaz con ngỗng 鹅

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Feedback Flashcards & Bookmarks ? Please log in or register to use Flashcards and Bookmarks. You can also log in with Flashcards ? My bookmarks ? +  Add current page to bookmarks TheFreeDictionary presents: Write what you mean clearly and correctly. Mentioned in ? References in classic literature ? Have them down on the wharf to meet us or we are gone gooses . View in context I have seen her put even a roast goose in this quilt to keep it hot. View in context I felt hungry, for I had not eaten since the early morning, but there was not enough grass in that meadow for a goose to live on. View in context She fetched crockery -- new, and plenty of it; new wooden goblets and other table furniture; and beer, fish, chicken, a goose , eggs, roast beef, roast mutton, a ham, a small roast pig, and a wealth of genuine white wheaten bread. View in context Why, Tom, we can pull a feather out of a goose and make him a better one; and quicker, too. View in context And now two smaller Cratchits, boy and girl, came tearing in, screaming that outside the baker's they had smelt the e the baker's they had smelt the goose , and known it for their own; and basking in luxurious thoughts of sage and onion, these young Cratchits danced about the table, and exalted Master Peter Cratchit to the skies, while he (not proud, although his collars nearly choked him) blew the fire, until the slow potatoes bubbling up, knocked loudly at the saucepan-lid to be let out and peeled. View in context asked a dragoon, with his saber run through a goose which he was taking to be cooked. View in context In front of him he saw, in the gaslight, a tallish man, walking with a slight stagger, and carrying a white goose slung over his shoulder. View in context The countryman than began to tell his tale, and said he was going to take the goose to a christening. View in context He had a pole ten feet long, with a crook in the end of it, and occasionally a goose would branch out from the flock and make a lively break around the corner, with wings half lifted and neck stretched to its utmost. View in context
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